Conservatives do some dumb things. More often than I’d like to admit actually. I mean, nothing in comparison to Liberals who do mostly dumb things, but still, we occasionally lose our heads and forget about, well, conservatism.

Conservatism at its core is about personal liberty, limited government, and maximum freedom. It’s about NOT imposing government regulation in the lives of the citizenry. It’s about praising individualism, the family unit, and diverse cultures that, woven together, make the beautiful fabric that is America.

So it is with great dumbfounded displeasure that I actually have to call out some of my fellow patriots on an issue that seems just so painfully obvious I shouldn’t even be opening myself up to the carpal tunnel risk to write this…alas, here I am.

STOP TALKING ABOUT AN OFFFICIAL LANGUAGE!

Seriously. Just dumb. Needless, divisive, and just dumb.

An official language, in my opinion, is everything that the good ol’ USA is NOT about.

Why do we as conservatives have this incessant need to galvanize a nationalistic idea that would make virtually no positive impact in any facet of anything?

I’ve heard Newt Gingrich church it up, I’ve heard Michele Bachmann screeching about it, and I feel it is imperative to jump the gun and get the word out on what an absolutely absurd idea it  is before Mitt Romney starts using it as a talking point and changes the face of the GOP for four years.

A few main points here:

What would adopting a Official Language do?

If you were thinking,”nothing,” you are are correct.

Come on people, would slapping a line in the Constitution saying, “Oh yeah, by the way, thanks for the tacos, but you should like totes speak English while you’re here. KTHXBYE!” actually have any positive impact whatsoever?

Languages are hard to adapt to. Even more so when you are brought up in a home of immigrants, possibly even in a community of immigrants still clinging to shreds of their native culture (which most immigrants are.) To adapt to another language one must be immersed in that language for months, and even then it is still tough. I live across the river from West Virginia, they still haven’t quite mastered English.

Fact is, coming to a new country or region and being unable to communicate with those around you is intimidating for anyone. Coming to a new country or region full of people who immediately judge you for not speaking in their particular dialect can be almost unbearable.

C’mon ‘Merica, be kind and patient to our immigrant friends, because at one time it was your family that just stepped off the boat. Unless you’re Native American, in which case, sorry about the small pox and Andrew Jackson…we do apologize.

Next point:

We already have an official language…unofficially.

Invoking the law of large numbers on this one because everyone speaks English here, except that Troy guy from Swamp People, not sure what the heck that guy is speaking.. Cajun? Creole? GATUH? Regardless..

If we said our official language was going to be Swahili tomorrow, everyone would still be speaking English the next day. Carrying on about their business in English, buying and selling in English, preaching and teaching in English. Basically, just due to the sheer populous consensus, the official language is English.

Aside from that, our Declaration of Independence, our Constitution, our laws, all the way down to our road signs are in English. Shouldn’t that be enough? I don’t think it’s a contested issue that day to day life functions in English in this country. People coming here are fully aware of the situation they are getting into, and if they choose not to assimilate, they are the ones missing out on opportunities.

and finally, a couple of miscellanous points:

1.) Maybeh b4 we start judgin’ othr ppl 4 there lack ov ebility to speek american, perhaps we shuld leern it real good first.

Two, to, and too. There, their, and they’re. Know and no. Then and than. The list goes on and on…

When it comes to mastering a language and grammar, this country, and especially its youth, has zero room to talk.

Thx fr nthn, texting. 

2.) “This is AMURRICUH, we speak AMURRICUHN here!!!!RAHHH DALE JR, BUD LIGHT, FREE BIRD!!!”

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that line, I’d have enough money to buy Rosetta Stone for a couple of immigrants.

No, there is no such thing as AMURRICAN. We here in America speak a form of English that I hear makes the English cringe.

I love the redneckery that comes out in people when they are prompted to press one for English.

“Press one for English!?!?! THIS IS AMURICAH! I shouldn’t have to go out of my way and press One to speak a language God and George Washington intended me to speak!!!”

I just think it’s funny that we are so pure in our own self made nationalism and independent, yet we still kept the language of our former oppressors, the English. If we would have really wanted to tick ’em off, we would have sent the Declaration of Independence to good ol’ King George in French.

And speaking of the French, I come to my last point..

America, why you so Nationalistic bro?

We are a “melting pot” and that is a truly beautiful thing. Cultures and languages from all over the world make us what we are. We can’t say, like the French, that maintaining a national language helps protect our national identity. There was no native language in America, again except for the Native Americans (Elizabeth Warren’s people.) And again, to the Native folk, sorry for the small pox and Andrew Jackson…we sincerely apologize.

The only national identity we have is our shared belief that all men were born free and meant to grow up and live in freedom, that is the common thread that binds us as Americans.

 E Pluribus Unum. Out of many, one.