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Being Liberal: My Near-Death Experience

I have decided I’m going to convert. That’s right, Liberal-Progressive Democrats have persuaded me after I had a near-death experience. There I was, rolling down the highway riding shotgun with my Daddy driving his gas-guzzling, environment-killing F-350 Dually pick-up and listening to Rush Limbaugh shuffle papers with his formally nicotine-stained hands over the radio while discussing conservative policy, when a Prius pulled out in front of us. That’s when I saw it: A large blue bumper sticker with the words “coexist” written using religious symbols for letters. My entire politically-active collegiate career flashed before my eyes and it dawned on me: Being conservative went out of style even before meat-clothed Lady Gaga ever walked down the Red Carpet.

I then realized my parents homeschooled me to simply indoctrinate my impressionable mind. Once I hit high school it was all about thinking on my own and “life skills” that would help get me a job. After all, why not just let the government provide my healthcare, education, and give me food stamps since Obama is going to make sure I’m taken care of anyway? College should have been my saving grace. By being told from a philosophical stand point why the world needs to change, I would have had a greater understanding of how things should be in our world. I missed out on all the fun extra-curricular activities too. Occupy Wall Street would have been a great way to end evil Capitalism while making friends but I fell into the conservative lies and truly thought these protesters saving humanity were a bunch of crazy, egotistical hippies that needed a bath.

To think all this time I thought main-stream Hollywood was just a bunch of acting hypocrites when they truly are humanitarians in their own way. Anti-fracking films to save the planet and the recent campaign to end gun violence are just a couple of examples to hit the news. Besides, they’d know what they’re talking about considering most of the actors in the recent campaign ad that went viral on YouTube have played characters who’ve killed or injured hundreds of people in films, short clips, or comedy skits with the use of guns. Of course being such a strong humanitarian for gun control comes with costs. Just ask Rosie O’Donnell, who was under scrutiny back in 2007 due to one of her bodyguards filing for a conceal-carry permit to properly protect Rosie and her family for…..we still have yet to know the reason, but that’s beside the point.

Finally, it came to me: I, as a Hispanic female, have been oppressed after all these years due to racism and sexism in America that has been present since the founding of this country. Even though quietly now, racism is routinely being pushed aside by media circuits such as Fox News. Racism aside, being a female in America today is tough enough since men want to keep us in the kitchen and away from the male-dominated work force. Just ask Sandra Fluke, Code Pink, and other feminist groups.

These visions suddenly cleared as the sound of brakes abruptly awoke me from my stupor and I realized my dad’s driving saved us from a collision. I looked out my passenger-side window as we drove past to see the female Prius owner texting while driving (which is technically illegal in the State of California). As I watch the female in the Prius quickly speed up to 20 mph above the speed limit and drive off into the distance I realize being liberal would require me to tie one half of my brain behind my back. It was an interesting experience, and I learned to be thankful for conservative principles. Call me arrogant, but at least I have my human dignity.

Elissa Roberson | College of the Desert | @ElissaRoberson

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7 Responses

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  1. John Schreiber
    Mar 02, 2013 - 09:42 PM

    Elissa, I just read this and my jaw was on the floor for a couple of min. LOL. Ahhh, glad you came out or that stupor. And thank God your Dad is a good driver (for the sake of the Prius driver too). Tin cans are no match for a good sized truck. LOL. Thanks for a great read.

    Reply
  2. Clay
    Jan 22, 2013 - 02:25 AM

    Really? I suppose shallowness has a place and it might as well be here.

    Reply
  3. *enchante*
    Jan 10, 2013 - 09:58 AM

    Men want to ‘keep us in the kitchen’? Are you serious? The guys i know are better cooks than me, we women are getting better jobs if they are out there, and being a Mrs Husbands Name isnt so bad after all. Guys today of ALL colors arent men anymore they dont even know how to work on your car if it breaks down, only videogames&porn~i’m even seeing young girls 14~25 hanging all over their boyfriends. Guys arent in the mood for sex with them after masturbating to porn in their free time to even approach us in a way of gentlemen. We arent ladies anymore~it took a while coming, like 40+ years, but i think we just hit bottom

    Reply
  4. Kay
    Jan 09, 2013 - 11:01 PM

    Maybe you’ll change your mind once most of your relatives are deported.

    Reply
  5. Charlene Zale
    Jan 08, 2013 - 07:00 AM

    I actually loved this.

    Reply
  6. Alan Mawell
    Jan 05, 2013 - 11:58 AM

    Thank you.

    Reply
  7. Christopher Rushlau
    Jan 05, 2013 - 02:03 AM

    Thank you for speaking up. What’s on your mind?

    Reply

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