(AUTHOR’S NOTE: I don’t always write humorous articles, but when I do they are mildly inappropriate. You have been duly warned.)


With the steadily-increasing number of political disasters plaguing the American left – ranging from legitimate governance failures like those that led to the Detroit bankruptcy to the political fiasco that has been the IRS’s unfair scrutiny of conservative groups – the political pressure has been winding up all across the country like a jack-in-the-box. Whether it be our nonexistent fiscal policy or our collective sanity, it was only a matter of time before something finally popped…

…And what finally popped – popped up, that is – was sex scandals.


No, no, no.  Sit down, Menendez.

No, no, no. Sit down, Menendez. You’ve already had two this year, and one wasn’t even real. Someone else gets a turn!


The first scandal out of the box this July came from none other than Anthony Weiner, who had formerly resigned from the US House of Representatives in disgrace after it was discovered that he had been sending inappropriate pictures of himself to multiple young women online. Rather than politely slide into the shadows in disgrace, however, Weiner had the cajones to jump right back into the limelight and run for mayor of New York City.

For a while, he was actually winning.


Those well-sculpted pectoral muscles just scream political viability.

Those well-sculpted shoulders and pectoral muscles just scream political viability.


But in April, Weiner hinted that there might be more women coming forward with even more scandalous information. Then it was revealed: Weiner had been at it again, only a year after his very public resignation and promises that he had kicked the habit altogether. This time, it was with a woman named Sydney Leathers. And even better, it was all done under the pseudonym Carlos Danger.

Somehow, it was all too appropriate that Carlos Danger would tango with someone whose name sounded vaguely like that of a dominatrix.


I'm sure she actually quite charming. Maybe.

I’m sure she actually quite sweet and charming. Maybe.

But while Carlos Danger was off daring the world to care about the woman – or maybe three – that he was sexting with after resigning from congress, another sex scandal was brewing on the opposite side of the country.

Bob Filner, Democrat mayer of San Diego, is currently being sued by multiple female city employees – as well as his own city government – over allegations of repeated unwanted advances and sexual harassment. In addition to groping, kissing, and making inappropriate sexual comments, two of the women involved reported being physically put in a headlock by Filner, unable to move while he whispered sexual comments in their ears.


Yes, it is that serious, Bob. No, it is not appropriate for you to crack a "But Filner just wanted to be Fil'n 'Er" joke, Bob.

Yes, it is that serious, Bob. No, it is not appropriate for you to crack a “But Filner just wanted to be Fil’n ‘Er” joke, Bob.


Those accounts are truly horrifying, and Democrats both locally and nationally have called for Filner’s resignation as a result. Similarly, an increasing number of people have begun calling for Anthony Weiner to end his campaign in New York City. Both “leaders” have clearly demonstrated that their personal conduct and self-restraint are lacking, and that they are unfit to lead their respective cities.

But they’re super sorry, so that makes it all OK. And like, Filner is even going into therapy! Intense therapy! For two whole weeks!

That should be enough, right?


See?  Look how truly sorry that smile i - DEAR SWEET MOTHER THE DEMON HAS MY SOUL.

See? Look how truly sorry that smile i – HELP ME THE DEMON HAS MY SOUL.


See, it’s not bad enough that these political leaders don’t seem to have the wherewithal to realize that sexting random women and groping your coworkers might be inappropriate. When someone fails to exhibit a basic level of character – or heck, even just interpersonal respect – when they are occupying or running for a public office, then they must answer for their conduct.

Despite this, Filner and Weiner seem to think that making a public apology should get them off the hook from facing any public scrutiny or political consequences. Believe me, that will never work.


Okay, maybe sometimes it does.

Okay, maybe sometimes it does.


At any rate, the two have let their egos take control and are acting like saying “I’m sorry” and moving forward should be the media equivalent of a dry eraser. But that’s simply not the case. While some have tried to make the argument that Weiner’s misconduct was consensual and really didn’t hurt anyone but himself (which is quite frankly ridiculous), the same cannot be said for Filner.

Filner actually did hurt and violate people. Physically. Using a headlock.

Simply saying “I’m sorry” is not going to be enough to shut the lid on this jack-in-the-box. Filner at the very least needs to be brought up on harassment charges and kicked out of office, and Carlos Danger needs to be run out of town on a rail for his lack of judgment and for the disrespect he has shown to his wife Huma and their son.


Plus, he's embarrassing Hillary.  So he's totally shunned from the DNC back-to-school barbecue.

Plus, he’s embarrassing Hillary. So he’s totally shunned from the DNC back-to-school barbecue.


But given the ego and hubris that these two individuals seem to have, this dog and pony show is far from over. So pull up a chair, grab some popcorn, generate your very own Carlos Danger name, shop for some brand-spanking new Slutbags, practice your headlock skills, and settle in for the long hall.

This is gonna get good.



Paschual Stealth David Giffin | @D_Giffin