Happy Super Tuesday! March 1 marks the day when the Republican nominee for President of the United States will all but be determined. Though Cleveland and the RNC are still a ways off, Super Tuesday is of vital importance for any would-be nominees.

Currently, aggregate poll data shows real estate magnate and toupee enthusiast Donald Trump will be the overall winner for today. Other contenders for the nominee, like crybaby Marco Rubio and know-it-all Ted Cruz, have tight races ahead of them. Buckeye John Kasich is holding on by a lynch pin, while Ben “Tyrannosaurs Hands” Carson seems to be sleeping on the job, per his usual M-O.

Also known as the “SEC” primary because of the several southern states that will be holding elections, 13 primaries will determine a pivotal distribution of  delegates to the candidates. Before Super Tuesday, Trump boasts 82 delegates, Cruz holds 17, Rubio has 16, Kasich took 6, while Carson… surgically obtained 4.

In total, their are 595 delegates up for grabs on Tuesday.  But the day’s importance rests on who will gain the most delegates and best close the gap between where they are now and the required 1,237 votes to win the party’s nomination. So who will do it?

Obviously, polls are favoring Trump. In Tennessee, Trump maintains a lead at 40% while Cruz trails with a 22%. Georgia is also showing a Trump lead at 36%, with Rubio trailing in second at 21%. For the majority of polls, the voting trend is favoring the the Donald; however, Ted Cruz is turning on that Cuban-Canadian charm to maximize his home field advantage in Texas. Cruz reportedly leads Trump by nearly 36% to 27% in the Lone Star State.

So what do we know before the polls close?  Well, what’s proven in polling at this point is that, in the Southern states, Donald Trump dominates. The American south is Donald Trumps (corn)bread and butter. However, we also can expect to learn whether Rubio’s electability will prove beneficial and help him win a few decisive victories.

The traitor and the commie–i.e. Hillary and Bernie–are also caucusing Tuesday night. Disgraced former Secretary of State and likely September 2012 Washington D.C. Candy Crush champion Hillary Clinton dominates the southern states. In fact, the South Carolina win for Hillary was due in part to her frivolous campaigning for the black vote. Despite her struggles, Clinton is proving that she doesn’t need to commit treason or defraud the U.S. government to be electable for establishment Democrats. In Texas, Clinton commands the lead with a pant suit and a hefty 59.9% over Bernie Sanders. Sanders, by contrast, maintains a bald spot, potential wizard status, and a measly 34.4%

Today will be eventful. Let’s hope both that the democrats implode over their superdelegate system, and that we see a fight of (mostly) gentleman for the GOP nomination.

Shalom, and have a happy Super Tuesday!