It appears that many Republican voters have taken Jonathan Swift’s 1729 writing and updated it for today’s political scene: they have their own “Modest Proposal” to determine who will carry the banner for the party of Abraham Lincoln and Ronald Reagan.
America is no longer great. The Republican Establishment has betrayed “the little guy,” and political correctness is contributing to the downfall of American society. The 2016 Republican Primary started with a field of 17 candidates, and this field was said to be the deepest and best field of Republican candidates in recent memory. Now there are four candidates remaining, and if you still do not know who to support, here is a modest proposal to guide you in your decision making process.
You should support a Mussolini re-tweeting*, former Democrat donor, serial flip-flopper, Saddam Hussein, Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un, and Chinese Communist cheerleader who refuses to disavow David Duke, of course.
Somebody has to stand up to the PC Police and the way to do this is nominate someone who says, “If I told the real stories of my experiences with women, often seemingly very happily married and important women, this book would be a guaranteed best-seller.” Or, who says “You know, it doesn’t really matter what [the media] write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.” Or, who says of Megyn Kelly that “there was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever.”
If anyone dares to question this man, we should threaten to throw the First Amendment out the window and complain like the Social Justice Warriors we claim to despise if someone dares to disagree with us.
America is being outsmarted globally. Therefore, we need to go back to the policies of Herbert Hoover by putting a 45% tariff on Chinese exports. The Japanese are as dangerous as they’ve been to America since the war, and not since 1918 has Mexico been such a key foreign policy concern. To regain American leadership in the world, we need to have a President who is willing to be neutral towards Israel and those who wish to destroy it.
The Republicans need to nominate an ego-maniacal, vulgar nationalist who sounds like a Democrat because conservatism is no longer useful. This means the Republican nominee should parrot left-wing talking points on things like government run health care, calling former President George W. Bush a liar, and supporting Planned Parenthood. We need a nominee who puts money over principle, because wanting to kick elderly widows out of their homes in order to build a parking lot for limousines is what makes America great.
Our modest proposal to “Make America Great Again” is so great that only Jews and Cubans (one of whom is clearly a Canadian sleeper agent) oppose it. The Republican Party has won the popular vote in a Presidential election one time in last quarter century. After nominating moderates like John McCain and Mitt Romney, Republicans need to nominate a winner. The only way he can be defeated is by cheating on Election Day. Just ignore the vulgarity, donations to Democrats, and non-conservative policy positions, and America will become great again. Anyone who is not a nationalistic populist has submitted to the PC overlords and is part of the establishment.
If you do not know who to support in the Republican Primary, support the man who will “Make America Great Again.” Get on the bandwagon. As we have seen, there is no legitimate reason to support any other candidate. Crude comments about women, a 1930s economic policy, and nationalistic populism will “Make America Great Again.”
*Expert on the Italian Front of World War I, John Schindler, points out on Twitter that the quote in question is from the Italian Army after the Battle of Piave River in 1918, not Benito Mussolini. However, Gawker’s intellectual dishonesty should not excuse Donald Trump’s re-tweeting of @ilduce2016.